The last part (I saved for last) was the churches who minister to homosexuals. The reason that these churches have become so popular is of course the fact that homosexuality is now less taboo and more accepted. There are many more gays and lesbians coming out and walking proud because they are now getting the support by some churches and some cities and states and even the senate, the house and a president of two (depending on who is in office). Homosexuality is even being supported by some doctors, psychiatrists and yes pastors from different denominations. This has been a blessing indeed for the homosexual population and the fact that they can "be gay and a Christian" too is a bigger blessing because if God is "pro-gay then who shall we fear?" But the fear with this is- the believed acceptance gives way to beliefs that there is no other way to live and that "once gay, always gay." I for one can say- that isn't true.
I will at this time make a confession. I have lived my life as a lesbian for the past 30 years. I had relationship after relationship, slept around, abused drugs and alcohol to help me make "it all okay" and never, ever found happiness. Sure with each new relationship, I found brief excitement and new hope of "this one is the right one and this time it is going to last." But it never did. I did all the popular things; I marched in the parades, I even went to the March on Washington in 2000, sporting the rainbow stickers and t-shirts and carrying signs pleading with people to give us our equality, let us live our lives and the kicker was "God made me this way." For years and years I spouted off this same quote. I had massive fights with my parents telling them "this is just the way I am and I can't change and I'm not sure what you want me to do about it." But they held fast to their beliefs (thank God) and never told me it was okay for me to be gay. They loved me but they were not going to support my being gay in no shape or form. So we spent way too much time at impasses that should have never been.
Since this is getting more than long I want to throw something out there for all those who believe "once gay, always gay." It doesn't have to be true. Maybe for those of you who have only been in the lifestyle for a few years- you see fun, excitement, inclusion, being different and even now, yes support from many others- you haven't experienced all the dysfunctional stuff that goes along with it. Maybe you haven't suffered the disappointments and the depression and the addictions and the low self esteem and thoughts of suicide. But unless you are in the minority, I dare say that you will experience these things in your "gay" lifetime. I am 46 years old, "been there, done that" and I can tell you even if you are lucky enough to find that life long partner, you may still not find that true joy and love that you are in need of.
During my lowest period in my life, when I thought life just might not be worth living I stumbled across a website on the internet that told me that if I wanted to change my sexuality it could happen. I literally laughed! "Yeah right" I said to no one. But I kept reading. It wasn't offering shock therapy, brain washing or drugs but it offered the way to salvation. Now I will be the first to admit that for years I disliked most churches and organized religion. I thought they were all too subjective and too harsh and too old fashion. (All the things I am sure if you are reading this far- you have felt too). I mean "hey the Bible was written over 2000 years ago!" What can they know about life today and how things have changed? For years this was my motto and my excuse for clinging to the lifestyle a bit longer. Then I found those churches that ministered to the homosexual population and I thought I had finally found what was missing and that if God allowed these churches to happen then there must be some truth to what they taught and what they believed in so- yep I went to one for a while, joined up (me and my girlfriend at the time) and thought that was the answer. But it only proved to keep me in the lifestyle longer (that had worn out it's welcome with me a few years back). Going to the church made me feel included, it made me feel a part of, it made me feel that I was okay being gay. But I wasn't okay being gay- I wasn't okay at all.
So back to the website I found offering a new way of life. I read more about it and even found another website from that one and several others that said "change was possible." I saved the websites in my favorites and thought well maybe I would go back to them sometime but for today- no way. It took me months to make the first contact with these folks. (I won't mention the names but if you need help and want to change you can look it up on the internet too- just go to anything relating to "being gay no more" and you will find direction to whatever you are seeking). Anyway, I contacted them just to ask some questions. They answered the questions I had. I asked a few more questions and they asked would I be willing to meet with them? I (with some hesitation) agreed to do so. I think I cancelled my appointment the first time and I didn't receive any pressure calls or guilt calls or anything trying to lure me back in- they totally left it up to me. So I contacted them again and told them I would like to meet with them- and we did.
When I got there (I drove 2 hours, nervous and hesitant) they were really humans, really friendly people and they were all ex-gay folks (with the exception of one of my new best friends who happened to be "just friends" with one of the ex-gay women) and they all seemed happy- radiant really. I thought maybe it was all an act but it didn't seem so. They spoke with me about my past, asked me had I ever asked Jesus to come into my life and I told them about the pro gay church I had been attending but that I had never really been baptized or anything. So right there in their office I listened, cried and repented of my sins and prayed for Jesus to come into my life and when it was all over I felt a great sense of peace. I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. I can't explain why exactly except I believe for the first time really God was there sharing my load in a real way because I was no longer pushing him away and keeping him at arms length.
They told me that if I really wanted to change I would need to pray and to do my best not to give in to temptation. That to God and in the Bible, homosexuality wasn't condoned. It was considered a form of adultry (because no matter how we used to fight it, homosexuals couldn't really become married legally- at least not in the US) therefore having sex with anyone outside the bounds of marriage was indeed a sin in God's eyes. That part I believed. So I decided at that time that I wanted to live as God wanted me to. I decided I wanted to explore the Bible for myself and find out my own beliefs because as a gay person, attending a gay church, I had heard many interpretations of the one and only Bible. And- my journey out of homosexuality began.
It didn't happen overnight. It is at times still a struggle and I even took the time to hunt up evidence that "proved", gay was okay, because I was still having some doubts. I would send it to those who believed otherwise and they always brought me right back to the Bible. And then I figured it out. I could believe that gay was okay (that could have been my CHOICE) or I could believe that because of Jesus' dying on the cross, shedding his blood for me and my sins, that God had forgiven me and my past and I could begin anew but- I couldn't straddle the fence. I had to make another CHOICE. And I chose God's way because to be honest, the way I had been living hadn't been all that joyful.
So here I am today; 18 months since my last homosexual relationship, 1 year since giving my life to God and 8 months since I was dunked in the water and publicly cleansed during my first official Baptism! I have joined a Baptist church that I love and I feel love from. My pastor and the youth pastor know my history and my past and know what I am doing now. They are very supportive of me and wish to use me and my story do work with the youth of the church in some capacity. The Lord is being very, very good to me and has always been, now that I look back. He kept me safe all those years I was being promiscuious and all those times I was driving intoxicated or riding in vehicles of drivers who were just as intoxicated. I am sure He even had a hand in me finding those websites that night, making the initial call and the peace I have in my life now. No life is not a bed of roses. Christians are usually not any more exempt of problems than anyone else. It is just now I have something to look forward to. I have enternal life on earth and eternal life with God in heaven when I die. God has forgiven me of all my sins and I had a chance to start over- and start over I have... I am involved in the church, involved in the ex-gay ministry that helped to save my life and am reading my Bible on a daily basis- finding my own answers. God is the same today that he was 2000 years ago. He still despises sin and he still loves us all but he loves us too much to leave us where we are. We can choose to live God's way or we can choose to live our way. The CHOICE is yours.
I watched a 2 hour segment on Anderson Cooper's 360 last night on CNN. The title of "What is a Christian" caught my attention so I of course tivo'ed the program and watched it at my leisure. But I have got to say the show was definitely eye opening and mostly astounding! Some of it I expected but a lot of people will call anything a religion now and use any excuse to form a "church."
First there was a group who was hitting beaches for Spring Break to tell high school and college students that they don't have to have sex before marriage. I applaude these kids and their efforts but when 1 high school female was asked what the goal of Spring Break was she answered "to stay drunk and get laid by the hottest guy here." Now to parents of teens, I would be scared too death to let my kid out of the house if that is one female's attitude of Spring Break. But again, bless those teens who have decided to remain sexually pure until they are married. Their ministry is called "Beach Reach" and again I applaude them but the indeed have their work cut out for them.
There were also churches who said that "God created sex and sex was good so there was no reason not to have it." And yep, he meant with whomever and whether you were married or not. Now I have to admit that no so long ago, I had a disturbing view of sex but I have since had much help in changing my ways and I don't go for passing around any sexually transmitted disease out there because of the newest meaning of "if it feels good, do it."
Another church and I can't for the life of me remember the name (and no I didn't save the recording) but they were a church that thought pornography was okay because "if people are only viewing pornography- then what harm is there?" Their belief being "at least we aren't going out having sex with everyone." However, 1 honest gentleman did admit that because of all his porn viewing, it had created the temptation in him to cheat on his wife. Ya think?
I was appalled and maybe I am getting old but I can't for the life of me see how- if anyone has any beliefs in the God I love and worship- they can with a good conscious think it is okay to believe these things they are "believing." I call it (and yes this is my blog and my opinion) an attempt at drawing people in to something they want to do so therefore they call it a church and say a prayer before and after. But I doubt seriously God is listening when someone prays for the best porn site or cheaper viewing prices, or please let me "be laid by the hottest guy this weekend!"
When and how did sex become so cheapened? And how have kids grown up believing "it can't happen to them" and they are beyond being affected by STD's and AIDS? And I can say without much doubt that kids getting drunk and high aren't really thinking about having protected sex or even knowing or caring what the name is of the person or persons they are having sex with. I was young once- my excuse was, yes I was drinking but no I didn't lay down with every "Dick or Jane" that looked the hottest! I was a little more selective and did know the names of those I chose to be intimate with.
But that isn't an excuse either and I have learned that over the years. Yet things are totally different than what they were when I was beach going and bar hopping. Kids these days seem to think they are resillient and six foot tall and bullet proof. But they aren't. Somewhere along the line, kids now see being popular and cool as more important than being safe and secure. Things are a changing and not necessarily for the good.
Hi, I am new to the Vox Blog community and attempting to get started. Looking forward to playing around in the neighborhood and joining a group or two. I do have interests! I just need to figure out where to put them! More from me later- for sure! D
